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08 August 2008 @ 06:11 pm
Introducing myself  
My name is Tami. I have a beautiful daughter born almost 10 and a half months ago by c-section due to failed induction. To this day, it still hurts.

I was induced on the 24th of Sept and cut the following day. My daughter was extracted at 5:47 PM. (I can't really call it born. It doesn't feel like she was truly born. I don't know if it ever will.) Induction started with a Foley balloon which didn't work. They than tried Pitocin to open me up enough to put in the balloon. The balloon was put in that afternoon and taken out in the evening since it didn't do anything to dilate my cervix. They than decided to use a quarter of a pill of Cytotec inserted vaginally which than dilated me to 5 cm the next morning. All the while the Pitocin is still dripping in, mind you, and they have IV abx in since I was GBS+.

So labor progresses and I dilated 2 more centimeters to 7. It was at this point where my body starts shutting down. I was going through some of the worst pain I'd felt in my life. Tried to get an epidural but the needles squicked me too much and so I ended up chickening out. So I'm doing this labor with no painkillers and lots of tears. About an hour or so into being 7cm and Akane moving no lower, the doctor informs me that he's going to break my waters to get her to move down and the labor moving faster.

My water was broken a couple of hours later and that's when the really really hard labor pains hit me. It was during this time that the contractions began stacking up on top of one another. No sooner would one end, than another would begin. I remember crying and saying all sorts of nutty things such as "I don't want to do this anymore! I want to go home now!" About 5 o clock or so (maybe it was 4...the pain makes my memory fuzzy), it was decided that for Akane's safety, it would be best to get her out by C-section. No thought of letting me get up and move around, turning off the drugs to see if that would help, or even feeding me. (At this point, I was over 24 hrs w/o food. This makes me a very cranky person but when in pain, I find I'm very placid.)

Since I only was allowed 1 person into the OR, I picked Myk, asking Al to please watch everything and promising that we will let her know as soon as the baby's born. Wheeled off to the OR, I was given a spinal for the surgery and they brought Myk in. At that point, I was just soooo tired that I actually passed out a bit at the end of the surgery. Woke up to hear my daughter screaming at the top of her pretty little lungs as she's being set down on the scale. DH was so happy that she was healthy and beautiful, cutting her umbilical cord and snickering that she had already peed and pooped on the doctor.

They whisked her little bum away to the nursery and me to recovery before reuniting us in our room about 830 that evening.

The entire time in the recovery room, I kept asking for my daughter. No one would answer me or tell me where she was or why she wasn't with me in the recovery room. To this day, I cannot honestly remember seeing my dear daughter when my DH held her up to my face after she was extracted from me.

I've tried talking to my MIL and both of my SIL about what happened but they don't understand and I'm not sure they ever will since they all had normal vaginal births and I'm here with a scar where my daughter emerged instead of being gently squeezed through my vagina.

I want my VBAC when we have another child. I don't want to be cut again even though I have no support around me for it.
ctdoulactdoula on August 8th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. :(
My son was also a failed induction on 12/11 because I was basically cornered by my OB and scared into doing exactly what she wanted me to do. I stated my induction at 6:30am that morning and then by 1:30pm I was stuck at a whole 3cm. My OB came in checked me and said I am coming back at 3:30pm... if you haven't dialated anymore, I am booking an OR.

Student Momma: just gotta screamillyria_godking on August 9th, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
*nod* I'd hit 41w and my DD had had a sluggish NST that same day so my OB decided that I needed to be induced so I toddled in at 8AM that Monday.

I still kick myself every day for going in. Though writing this out again makes me realize how not accepting I am of how it all happened.

What hurts more in some ways is that my family around me doesn't get how traumatic this was for me.
rhondaaerosmithrhondaaerosmith on August 8th, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC)
I had my son Sept. 16th, 2007 and am pregnant again. I only got to 5 cm., I am going for a VBAC this time. I had a very rough time finding a doctor and hospital willing to do this or even talk about it. All my friends thought I should just get another csection because that's what most other doctors wanted. I have a ton of info. saved about VBAC. If for some reason this VBAC turns into a csection I don't think I will want more children.
Megangeogirl on August 9th, 2008 01:46 am (UTC)
Hugs Mama. Your story is all too familiar, unfortunately. My first cut was due to a failed induction :(
Student Mommaillyria_godking on August 9th, 2008 01:56 am (UTC)
I keep hearing that more and more and it makes me cry. But no one around me understands. At times it makes me feel like John...the voice crying out in the wilderness.
Megangeogirl on August 9th, 2008 02:29 am (UTC)
It's really hard when you can't find support in those around you. Thank God for ICAN! There will always be someone who gets it.
Student Mommaillyria_godking on August 9th, 2008 03:16 am (UTC)
I like the ICAN list but there's no local chapters here in Indy. I don't know if I have the strength to start one. Not sure I'm in that right place of healing, yanno?
Megangeogirl on August 9th, 2008 01:04 pm (UTC)
My chapter has been lagging since I had a CBAC this past December. It has been really hard for me to get it together enough to schedule a meeting. I have someone else taking over as leader and I'll just be the co-leader. So yea, I understand what you mean about not being in the right place of healing.